Psst… If No One Has Told You–You Are Worth It

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Don’t Let The Feeling “I’m Not Worth It” Hold You Back

by Coach Chad, Certified Personal Trainer, Health Coach, Behavior Change Specialist

So, you’re not happy with the current state of your body and you’re thinking it’s time to do something.  It’s time to make some changes.

As Jim Rohn says, “If you want things to change, YOU have to change.”

There are three fundamental beliefs that are necessary to change your life:

  1. You have to believe that you are capable of change.
  2. You have to believe that the rewards of change are worth the cost of changing.  In other words, that the benefits that change will bring to your life far outweigh any short-term discomfort or inconvenience you may have to go through to get those benefits.
  3. You have to believe that you are worthy and deserving of the benefits that change will bring.

I wasn’t always in shape.  In the beginning of my journey to getting in shape, I really struggled with the third belief.  Thoughts such as “You’re not worth it.”, “Who are you to deserve it?  Who do you think you are?” continually popped into my head.  They made me want to give up.  There were times I did. Many times. But I started over and I got through those thoughts.  By overcoming them, I was finally able to achieve lasting results and really see changes in my body and the way I felt about myself.  I want to share with you some strategies for overcoming those negative thoughts here.

How To Overcome The Feeling “I’m Not Worthy. I Don’t Deserve It.”

  • Don’t Believe Everything You Tell Yourself
    Whenever those negative voices pop into your head, stop. Tell yourself “That’s interesting.” Then dispute those thoughts.  All of the things we tell ourselves, we never think to question them.  There’s no one there to argue the other side, so we think they must be the truth. But if you prick them just a little bit, they pop like a balloon filled with air.
  • Give Up On The Idea of Perfection
    That doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t strive to do better and do things better, but give up on the idea that you HAVE to be perfect, and if you are not “perfect” you are not worthy and deserving.When you hold that belief, anything that you do wrong or you don’t do perfectly the first time, anything that exposes a flaw, shatters your pseudo self-esteem.  I say pseudo self-esteem because true self-esteem isn’t based on being perfect. With true self-esteem, you can acknowledge your flaws and work to improve them.Perfectionism can hold you back from making changes in your life because making a change involves the risk that you may not get it right straight away.  That may make you “look bad”, so you won’t be motivated to try.  If you believe that you must be perfect, the risk of “looking bad” is a huge deterrent.Also, if you’re telling yourself you’re perfect, then you don’t need to change anything, and you’re not going to be motivated to change.So, just be honest with yourself, be okay with not being “perfect”, and work to get better.
  • Practice Self-Acceptance
    Self-acceptance doesn’t mean liking everything about yourself.  It means in a very fundamental sense being “for” yourself.Self-acceptance is important because you’re not going to be motivated to change things whose reality you deny. If you’re not fully in touch with your feelings and you’re in denial about it, you have the pretense that everything is perfect–you’re not going to be motivated to change anything.You may feel like, “I don’t like certain things about myself, I don’t want to like those things.”, –you don’t have to like them.  The important thing is that you start to like yourself. When you start to like yourself, you want to take care of yourself and do things “for” you. That’s what’s important. That’s what’s going to motivate you to change.When you’re in that space of feeling that you’re not worthy, you don’t deserve it, you’re not accepting yourself–that’s going to be a roadblock to getting in shape, to getting the body that you want, to getting healthy and getting fit, to having all of the energy you need to do all of the things you want in life.  That’s something that’s going to hold you back.A really great exercise to work on that, that I found in Nathaniel Branden’s Six Pillars of Self-Esteem (which is an excellent book I highly recommend) is to stand in front of a full-length mirror and say to yourself, “Whatever my faults and imperfections, I accept myself wholly and unreservedly.” Repeat that two times a day in the morning and in the evening.  You’re going to notice that you are not going to like everything you see–the important thing is that you stay with those feelings and stay connected to it.  You’ll find that you’ll start to be motivated to change those things.  There will be certain things that you can’t change, but you will learn to live with them.
  • Chose to Be “For” Yourself–Be Your Own Cause
    It’s interesting that people get caught up in all of these different causes, these movements–and you know, that’s great being involved in things–but you also don’t want to forget to be a cause for yourself.  Make yourself the cause. Both in terms of something that you’re working towards, and also being the causal agent in your life–being the “cause” that’s making things happen, making the change.

  • Stop Comparing Yourself To Other People
    Stop trying to “measure up” to other people, and other people’s expectations.  Learn to just be comfortable with yourself. You don’t have to be better than anybody else.  You don’t have to compete with anybody else. Just work on improving yourself.You are “enough”.  You are enough as you are.Comparing myself to others and feeling that I didn’t measure up or was not “enough” was something that I struggled with at the start of my fitness journey I can remember seeing a guy who is in great shape and thinking, “Why can’t I be him? Why can’t I be like that? Why does he have it so easy? You know–why can’t I naturally have six pack abs?  Why did I get the short end of the genetic stick?”  These are the thoughts that I had to let go of, and I’ve learned to stop comparing myself to other people.  That helped me feel a lot better about myself because I’m not measuring myself against other people.  As long as I’m making progress in what I’m doing, making progress towards my goals, I can feel good about that. And it doesn’t matter what anybody else is doing.And remember, when you see someone who is in great shape, you are seeing the end results of a process that he or she went through, but you’re not seeing the process.  You’re not seeing the effort, hard work, and persistence that he or she put into the process to achieve those results. So look to them for inspiration, not with envy. If they can do it, so can you.  Start where you’re at and work from there.  It’s a process, and it takes persistence.
  • Ask For Help
    If you’re struggling through this feeling of “I’m not worthy” or “I don’t deserve it”, ask for help. Find a good coach or find a good friend that can help you work through these things.  The support of a good coach or a good friend is priceless. When you have somebody that can remind you, “You are worth it.  You deserve it.”–having someone that can say that to you–is priceless.  Sometimes you just need someone to remind you of those things. When you’re going through all of these negative thoughts, you have someone to snap you out of it.If you’re looking for help, give us a call. We’d be happy to talk to you, and, we’d be happy to help you work through those things.
Be a good friend to others.  Share this with someone you want to remind…

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